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First, a distinction. When I teach about 'towards and away' personalities, I get asked, 'Kenrick, isn't an away from person just a negative person?' My answer is no. That's not the case at all. There are negative people in the world who will complain about anything, but someone who is moving away from a problem does not necessarily have a negative attitude in life.

There are some people who think, 'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.' I am not of that opinion. Putting on a happy face for everything is dishonest, even if it's framed in the positive mental attitude way of turning lemons into lemonade or problems into challenges. I see the value in it, but I also see the value in really indulging in the ups and downs of life, experiencing the lows so that the highs feel so much more intense.

With that said, it's hard to be around people who complain incessantly. Viewing the world through the lens of misery and inconvenience is dreadful to be around. I believe if you're around that kind of personality for long stretches of time or consistently, your energy will be depleted as a result.

For me, I'd rather be around people who are honest and have integrity, whether they are positive or negative is not my criteria. I'd prefer positive because I know the power that our thoughts have, but above all, if I had to choose, honesty is king.

Okay, so back to the 'towards and away' continuum. Like all continuums this is context specific meaning that where someone may be tremendously 'away' when it comes to health (maybe because they've had a scare and are trying to get away from having another brush with early death), they may be very towards when it comes to security or wealth.

Determining towards and away is as easy as eliciting criteria (in fact, it is eliciting criteria). Say your client's highest value is financial security. Your next question is: What will having financial security do for you ultimately?

Security is both a towards and away value. Listen very closely to how they answer this question because this is a subtle one.

'Financial security will mean that I'm finally safe. I won't have to worry about my investments, I won't have to worry about my family, I'll be able to retire when I want.'

Is this person moving towards a solution or away from a problem?

Well, that's pretty obvious. They're definitely trying to move away from the problem.

I call the technique which is most effective with away from people 'backing the ambulance up to the door'. In this approach you are poking at wounds, really helping them wallow in their fear and then marrying your product or service with the path to financial security.

My response: 'Well, exactly. That's perfectly understandable. Because, really, the stock market is a really terrifying prospect right now. I mean, people have no idea how devastating it's going to be when that thing finally crashes again. And I can totally understand that feeling of sickness and worry. Having no parachute, no safety net, no cushion would definitely be cause for worry. My clients have moved beyond that fear and are naturally safe and secure as a result of working with me.'

Determination of towards/away is a really powerful tool enriching rapport immeasurably. Never try to force the away oriented person to see the silver lining or look through rose colored glasses. Go along with them and help them bask in the fear and horror that you can eventually relieve them of.